Bad time, sudden move

Feb. 22nd, 2017 05:55 pm
armaina: seriously dudes, not stock art. (Default)
[personal profile] armaina
So some developments have happened around the second week of Feb and I'm having to move very abruptly from my current location before the end of the month.

So a bit of backstory because my situation is a little awkward. When I was being forced to move out of the house of the people I lived with at the time (it was a bad mess and they were forcing me to pay more than my fair share anyway) and rent a place on my own but my credit was bad.

I went through a third party service to rent. They basically have the unit in their name and vouch for me and I pay them, it was the only way I could get an apartment on short notice with bad credit. I've been with that service for the last 3 years because we've had no money to move out. (which we would have, had my last job not have screwed me over)

Well, that third party service I rent through, their contract is running out with the place I'm living at right now, it ends this month, I was informed a week into the month. The place I'm living at now, if I were to rent from them directly, have changed their prices to 850 a month, that's not including electric which I pay upwards of 250$ a month in the summer. Now, the service I rent through does have other properties, but they have nothing available in the east valley and we can't live in north phoenix as gas for transit would be too much.

So we have to find a new place which means we need a deposit, which we don't really have. I was hoping by now to get SOME of the money I was owed at my last job, but I've heard nothing and I'm working on the indication that I'll never be paid for the time owed. I already have a place I'm looking into that's available and has all utilities included which would save us so much money in the summer and once I get a new job we should be fine, it's just the initial move in cost that we're struggling with.

TLDR: I have to move by the end of this month and I was given short notice and we're barely getting by, and we might not have the means for a deposit at a new place.

If by some chance you wish to donate, paypal is I don't expect it, but I won't lie, it'd help us out immensely.

This Is A Vent If You Can't Tell

Feb. 13th, 2017 04:55 pm
armaina: (taithal no u)
[personal profile] armaina
Don't Give Unsolicited Advice

I don't see what's complicated about this statement. Have a discussion, ask first, or don't engage if you can't tell. Sometimes learning when to not engage, is an important skill.

Yes, it could be argued that 'well telling people what to do isn't advice' and I would agree! 'so you should make your statement about how you shouldn't tell people what to do' Which is valid BUT the amount of people do that and are of the impression in their mind that they're giving advice through telling people what to do. And instead of discussing how invasive that is, all they'll do is argue about how it's Advice and it's acceptable No Matter What. In fact some people's expectation to give people 'advice' often overtakes the needs and boundaries of others just so that they can feel good about themselves.

If you don't do that, good great. I give advice to people too! Sometimes I've done it off the handle by accident! People do that by accident, that's fine, I'd be a hypocrite if I said it wasn't acceptable. The important part is that when someone says they don't want it or don't want to carry the conversation further, YOU STOP. That's literally all you have to do, apologize, and see if maybe what they need is just to vent or whatever. Very simple. Like, if you couldn't tell before, and someone tells you in some form that your advice was not desired, even if you didn't realize what you were doing, at least level with them, apologize, don't grind your feet into the ground and defend why they are Supposed to hear it.

A certain ex friend loved to 'advise' me things that I stated repeatedly I was not capable of doing with my means available and I was reprimanded for 'turning down good advice' by other people because he had them all convinced my issues were what they were because I wasn't taking his advice specifically. Like it was something I wasn't allowed to fight or say no to because it was wrapped in the trappings of 'advice'. I've known people that were in similar situations, having people hound on them for not doing X thing and reprimanded for 'not taking their advice' while ignoring the person's unique circumstances.

Just today I was seeing a thread of people defending telling people how to write their fan-characters as 'advice', that they can't let people just have fun because their 'advice' is more important than someone else enjoying themselves I guess. This goes along with unsolicited critique, which it's the same thing, it's advice just uses the word critique. People use the word 'advice' as an excuse to tell people whatever they want tot tell them and make it the other person's fault or shame if they don't want to have that discussion. It's very common and just making the argument 'but that's not what advice is' doesn't make the issue and social stigma go away.

While it could also be argued that it'd be better that I use a phrase like: "It's best to have caution when offering advice to others, and to frame it as a question or discussion so that you can allow them to feel invited to the conversation and provide feedback for better understanding. If someone tells you that what you're doing is undesirable, apologize and let the topic drop and don't demand that you must be heard. No matter how good you feel your advice there could be many reasons you can't see that would be bad for that person to take that advice. Exceptions to be made for situations with obvious and explicitly dangerous events, such as insisting someone going to the hospital for ingesting something lethal. Similarly, try to avoid unsolicited critique or at the very least, try to make it a discussion and drop it if they do not wish for a discussion about it to be had. All forms of art do not need to be perfect and artists are allowed to draw as they need and do not require formal training to have fun with it."

but that's more than 140 characters. Like holy cow what good is twitter as a random thought stream if I can't just drop random non sequiturs.

Sticking to just posting art and game stuff there, I guess.


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