Advice: Terms of Service

[makealittlewish.livejournal.com]

Hey guys! I went through the TOS advice entries here and think I've covered my bases, but I'd like some second opinions.

http://www.muddysketch.com/TOS/

There's the link. There's already a few minor cosmetic adjustments I'd like to do, such as having commissions, trades, and requests up at the top link to their respective sections. 

I'd really like some blunt advice and criticism, as well as suggestions. Does this TOS seem to scary, too unprofessional? Would reading this make you feel comfortable with commissioning me, or would it make you hesitate? I tend to have a hard time communicating what exactly I mean through text, so I want to make sure that this gets my intended points home.

Edit: Thank you so much for the replies. I am making these changes immediately - you have been very helpful! If anyone has any other suggestions, please keep making them. I really need pointers on how to be more clear and concise - knowing when to elaborate, how much to expand, and when it just needs to be a one sentence minimum.