"Thanks for the commissioin, are we BFF now?"

[westly-roanoke.livejournal.com]

General question to ask you folks.

What do you do when someone commissions you and either during the commission process or after it's complete, they assume that you are now friends? I have had several commissioners turn into friends, but in all of these situations this happened naturally. I'm talking about the people who try to force friendship on you either in the form of constantly writing you emails, attempting to IM you despite you specifically saying you don't chat, or contacting your other friends/significant other completely out of the blue for no other reason you can think of other than they want to try to get closer to you. They might even mention later that they commission artists "to make friends", and you are caught off guard and may not feel the same.

I know several artists have had this happen to them as well, which is why I'm asking what you would do in this situation? It's not threatening, you are just not interested. Just because money changed hands does not mean a friendship has occurred. How do you go about letting this person know that this is not the case. Do you even bother? Do you put something in your TOS expressing this? Do you ignore them completely? Any advice is appreciated.

Comments

[punkspacewafers.livejournal.com]

I've had that plenty of times-- usually it's never a really serious situation, because the people who do try usually get the hint that I'm not interested in forming a friendship, but in the cases that they send me endless emails and notes and comments and whatnot even after I tell them that I'm not interested, I sternly tell them to cut it out, and if they continue to pester I simply block them. I hate to be rude or to appear mean in these situations, but I get tired of my inbox being flooded with their messages asking how my day went, or IM's saying "sup" or "hi."

[spyral-out.livejournal.com]

Man, I wish more people would try to be friends with me. Hahah.

[punkspacewafers.livejournal.com]

Sorry, that was a terribly long run on sentence lol

[zippiner.livejournal.com]

Sometimes you just have to be stern, even if it is going to hurt someone's feelings. Because their feelings are probably going to be hurt any way you do it.

If they continue after you've been stern with them, then it's probably time to just cut them off / block contact. Depending on their annoyance levels.

[shiftergoddess.livejournal.com]

I used to get these types a lot when i first started doing Gaia commissions, but they got a shocker when, after being told i'm terribly boring, they actually discovered that i was being honest and lost interest.

So i would say maybe if the obvious doesn't work, appear very boring.

[marus-puppy.livejournal.com]

I'll be friends with you. :3 (Do I have to buy art first??)

To add something meaningful to this discussion: I really don't know how I'd approach the situation, but punkspacewafers seems to have a really good way to do it, especially if they don't take the hint.

[komickrazi.livejournal.com]

Just make it clear your email/IMs are for business purposes only.
If you treat all your communications with them as a business transaction, they usually get the hint you aren't interested in small talk.
A simple message like the following should suffice: "My email/IM is for business communication only. Did you have a commission request or question regarding your finished piece? If not, I am afraid I am too busy for casual chatting."

[aerotheacrobat.livejournal.com]

I've had this happen, too D:

I'm good with being friendly and nice with clients, even lonely/friend wanting ones, so long as it doesn't go too far... like constantly IMing me about fetish stuff and wanting to RP what they buy from me, which has happened :/ I'm naturally shy, so I'm often quiet anyway. If they get pushy about it, I tell them that and that I am also working on my art que (often true) or that I'm not into AIM RP. So far, most have not pushed for too long and went on their merry way eventually.

[hellebore.livejournal.com]

1. Remove your IM info from websites and keep it off of there. Create a new name for family/REAL FRIENDS. Set your privacies to only them. Don't add them on FB, or furry FB or anything.

2. Communicate via email only.

3. Brief interaction via comments online on FA/DA are okay, but put no emotion into it that the other person may misconstrue as you wanting to be friendly.

I have had this happen many times before, and these are the steps I took.

[spyral-out.livejournal.com]

Dawww. &hearts

[thornwolf.livejournal.com]

ugh, I really hate "sup" or "hi" type of chats. I feel obligated to entertain someone and I am not interested enough to feel compelled to ask them questions. People always look at me like I have 3 heads when I tell them "I don't chat". And then they try anyways! Sometimes I will chat with friends. I have three people I chat with on occasion. THREE. I've known them for 10 years and they know my habits enough that we never have a constant conversation going, so I'll have my chat client open sometimes because I was talking to them previously and its linked with my email (when I sign onto my email it signs me into chat). I sign on and its an ambush. "hi" "sorry I don't chat" "then why are you on" *block*

[saitenyo.livejournal.com]

This is precisely why I don't have a public IM handle and never give it out to people who I don't actually want to talk to. I'd recommend making a new screen name and keeping that private in the future. I know a lot of people like giving their commissioners the option to contact them via IM but there's really no reason commissioners need chatting access with you all the time, even while you're working on their piece. Emailing you if they have questions or need to get in contact with you should be perfectly sufficient.

In general, I am friendly with my commissioners but make an effort to keep it strictly a business relationship. I don't give them access to my IM, FB page, etc. and if they pry for these things, I simply politely explain to them that I only give those things out to close friends and people I know in real life.

I have on a rare occasion had someone continue to try to press those boundaries regardless. At that point the best thing to do is try to let them down tactfully and politely. Be firm on your refusal to give out personal information/additional methods of contacting you, and if they continue to send you emails, just explain that you don't have a lot of free time to just chat.

In response to the "I commission people to make friends line," I'd probably say something like, "I'm flattered by your interest in developing s friendship with me, but I prefer to keep my commissions a business relationship. I don't like to try to force friendships, but rather let them develop naturally. I'm happy to answer questions you may have about my art as my time allows, but I'm afraid I have a pretty busy schedule and don't have time to chat regularly with people online."

If they really can't take the hint after being polite, you unfortunately may have to be more blunt. I've only had to deal with this once, it was a situation where someone was being extremely inappropriate (to the point of constantly trying to hit on me despite my not being interested and being in a relationship) and I had to just bluntly tell them that their behavior was making me extremely uncomfortable and it needed to stop. When it didn't stop, I blocked them, and thankfully never heard from them again.

I don't think this is the sort of thing that needs to go in a TOS. I think putting too many "Please don't do this" sort of things in a TOS to catch every possible problem can turn potential good commissioners away and make a TOS too long and confusing. I'd stick only with issues that come up often. It should be a given that harassing an artist for friendship after commissioning them isn't appropriate and the sort of person who wouldn't respect that boundary probably wouldn't be stopped by a TOS statement about it anyway.

[kayla-la.livejournal.com]

I feel obligated to entertain someone and I am not interested enough

This is my biggest thing with people like that. I DESPISE the idea of having to essentially babysit/entertain someone. I simply won't talk to someone who can't actually engage in a proper two-way conversation. Usually you can spot them the moment they announce to you that they're bored, and then just sit there.

[saitenyo.livejournal.com]

This, so much. There are maybe...2-3 people I talk to regularly online and they're the sort of people who are fine with just randomly starting and. stopping conversations when one of us actually has something relevant or interesting to say. Beyond that, I hate giving out my IM handle to anyone.

I cannot stand the "Hey, what's up?" "Not much, you?" "Same." *silence* conversations. It always makes me want to reply, "Why did you IM me if you had nothing to say?" I long ago got over feeling like I had to continue the conversation or keep them entertained. If they have nothing to say I just let it go silent.
Although, again, these days the only people who have my IM are those who don't do this, so it's not really an issue anymore.

Unless I get signed into FB chat. :| I am fairly lax about FB (I add anyone who I know well enough to be comfortable with them knowing vague general stuff about my life) but I never sign into chat because I don't necessarily want to chat with some guy I went to school with our a relative I have met once. Yet FB changes my sign-in options every time they update the stupid thing so inevitably some random person messages me.

Sorry for the rant...this is a major pet peeve of mine. XD

[grygon.livejournal.com]

I've had this happen a few times and I let it fizzle out while remaining polite. It usually does on its own, if you remain polite but also not overly friendly (that just enables their feelings that you are ineed their new BFF). Mostly I am polite but stoic.

I actually had the "friends" (they were a couple) write me a dear john letter when they broke up cause they guessed they wouldn't need me anymore after that. That was a bit weird but otherwise I didn't want to be rude by ignoring them totally and maybe ruining future sales, since a lot of artists make a lot of their money from return customers.

[wolf-goat.livejournal.com]

I also hate feeling like I have to entertain people. I am mostly boring. :/

Though I am generally polite to people, the only thing that will really earn a block is any attempt to RP with me, or opening conversations with *snugs* and shit like that. -_-

[grygon.livejournal.com]

I know that feeling!

But I also how jarring it can be when a client starts to act like something else. Sometimes I get a weird "this has to be a trap" feeling until my rational side kicks in.

I've also been on the otherside though, because I like to pick and choose my clients (after a few bad seeds, id rather make pennies doing art for lovely people than making dollars for people who will shit on me) so when I finish the transaction I have to remind myself to not pursue a friendship, since it didn't occur naturally during the commission and so I would like a creepy stalker if I pursued it after the fact.

[saitenyo.livejournal.com]

This helps too. I am very quiet in chats if I don't know someone well, so often they will get bored and give up trying to converse with me.

[sbneko.livejournal.com]

I actually usually tell them honestly, but politely. If someone starts going around saying I'm there friend, I tell them I'm not. Meaning no offense to them, explaining that I take a long time to make friends, and either it happens or doesn't. Things just need to click.

Most of the time they actually stop talking to me after that. Though I'm not too sure what to do when it's a situation where you honestly don't really want to talk to them. I'd feel rude saying anything.

[taasla.livejournal.com]

Ugh, I hate those types of chats. "Hi." "Howdy." "What you doing?" "Drawing." "Oh." And that'll be the end of it. Or I'll get the dreaded "So, what you want to talk about?" Geez, if you have to ask me then maybe it's not worth trying to go on.

[hellebore.livejournal.com]

Why would you feel like you have to entertain people? Why do so many give themselves this unneeded stress? I don't understand it.

[shiftergoddess.livejournal.com]

It only takes a few "Hey, what's up?" and "Nothing." reply to get them to just give up.

[khaoskomix.livejournal.com]

Oh man, the amount of commissioners who have tried to add me on facebook. I'm sorry, but I find it really weird.

[saitenyo.livejournal.com]

Haha yup. My default reply to "what's up" is "Not much," followed by silence. XD

[ocelotish]

I want to second all of this.

If they are contacting you via IM, or just some other way you can very politely say "I'm sorry, but I'd prefer to only use 'mycommission@mysite' for contact with customers so I have a better system of organization." Then give short but polite answers, because you can 'hide' behind professionalism (it's no fun to chat with someone who's always perfectly polite and a little distant). If they persist, then you may want to add some polite refusals, or just always redirect it back to the commission. I would think that after a while, they'd give up. If not, saitenyo's polite refusals seem the way to go.